writing and psychological resilience
It can be incredibly disheartening and frustrating when you realize that some people simply don't seem to like you. This feeling can lead to a spiral of self-doubt and anxious questioning. You might find yourself replaying interactions in your mind, meticulously analyzing every word and gesture, searching for a reason, a misstep, or an offhand comment that could have caused this negative perception.
The "why" becomes a persistent, nagging question. Is it something I said? Something I did? Is it my personality? My appearance? The uncertainty can be tormenting, leaving you feeling vulnerable and exposed. It's easy to internalize these feelings and start to believe that there's something inherently wrong with you. You might struggle with the unfairness of it all, especially if you feel you've always acted with good intentions or haven't done anything overtly offensive. This kind of rejection, even unspoken, can chip away at your self-esteem and make future social interactions feel like a minefield. You might start to withdraw, fearing further disapproval, or overcompensate by trying too hard to please, which can sometimes be counterproductive. The frustration stems from this lack of understanding and the inability to control how others perceive you, leaving you to grapple with the emotional fallout alone.
Here is an exploration of the key advice offered in your query through the lens of writing and psychological resilience:
1. The Necessity of Authentic Voice (Sound Like You)
The core insight that your story needs to sound like you is emphasized across various writing disciplines, as authenticity is what sets creative work apart.
Telling Your Truth: The quest for authenticity requires writers to delve deeply to express their true selves. Authentic writing conveys truth and originality, reflecting a writer's unique perspective and voice.
Connecting with the Audience: When a writer is true to their passion and unique angle, they are more likely to engage readers and foster meaningful connections. Ralph Keyes highlights that authentic writing resonates because of the genuine voice that comes through, delivering a message that is deeply personal and unmistakably one’s own.
Listening to Yourself: The advice to check if you hear your own voice is crucial because dialogue and unique outlook are necessary elements in dramatic writing for conveying a character's internal life. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice, it means you have more work to do to achieve that genuine perspective [Query].
Embracing Vulnerability: Finding an authentic voice often involves baring one's soul and embracing vulnerability. This means having the courage to write despite the accompanying fear of judgment.
2. Overcoming Self-Doubt and Perfectionism (Be Confident and Don't Overthink It)
The challenge to "be confident and don't overthink it" addresses the major psychological barriers faced by creators attempting to share their work. Self-doubt, self-criticism, and the relentless pursuit of perfection are factors that can paralyze creativity.
Perfectionism as a Paralysis: The constant drive toward "unattainable perfection" often serves as a shield to minimize the risk of rejection. It can lead to anxiety, stress, and diminished motivation, sometimes making writers procrastinate or overwork their material, rather than sharing it.
Identifying the Inner Critic: The negative thoughts that make you second-guess yourself (the "overthinking") are often internalized voices of critical figures from the past. Recognizing the existence of this inner critic is the first step toward overcoming it.
The Power of Self-Compassion: To build confidence and reduce self-doubt, one must engage in self-forgiveness and allow themselves the grace to produce imperfect drafts. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques suggest using cognitive defusion to distance oneself from persuasive negative self-talk (e.g., “I’m not good enough”) by recognizing it as mere mental noise.
Reclaiming Self-Worth: For long-term confidence, self-worth must be cultivated from within by living in alignment with your core values, rather than chasing external validation or focusing on others' opinions. When you take committed action that aligns with your values, you reinforce genuine self-respect.
3. Embracing the Evolution of the Story (The Beauty of Your Story is Going to Continue to Evolve)
The realization that your creation will naturally evolve and that the goal is simply to "make it feel right for right now" is an acknowledgment of the iterative nature of creativity and the need for a growth mindset [Query, 256].
Accepting the Process: The journey toward an authentic voice is ongoing, requiring writers to continuously delve deeper into their true self. This means embracing the iterative process of writing, where rewrites and edits are seen as opportunities for improvement.
Focusing on Progress over Perfection: Instead of striving for a final, flawless result, focus on consistent action. When facing creative blocks, writers are encouraged to replace negative thoughts with the reframed belief that "Progress is better than perfection".
Flexibility and Change: Just as a character's journey involves evolution, your project is meant to change over time, and your website structure can evolve with it [Query, 447].
Taking Committed Action: This principle aligns with Behavioral Activation (BA), which encourages writers to take small, actionable steps (like writing 100 words or reviewing feedback in short intervals) to counter avoidance and maintain productivity, building confidence through small wins. The advice to "Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it" enables the commitment to action required for growth [Query].
That is a very human and important question. When you strip away all the technical terms, the reasons why some people just don't like other people often boil down to our deep need for acceptance, past experiences of being hurt, and simple differences in personality.
Here is an explanation drawing on the human tendencies and psychological patterns described in the sources:
1. The Deep Need for Acceptance and the Pain of Rejection
At the most basic level, humans have an enduring, biologically based need for love, care, and positive responses from the people important to them. When this fundamental need is not met, especially during childhood, it creates real and lasting emotional pain.
Rejection Hurts Physically: The experience of rejection is so deeply painful that studies have found it triggers the same neural pathways in the brain as physical pain.
Protection Leads to Hostility: When individuals experience significant rejection, they often feel increasing anger and resentment. To protect themselves from further hurt, they may close off emotionally (becoming emotionally unresponsive). This pain can lead to hostility, aggression, or passive-aggressive behaviors like sulking or stubbornness.
Rejecting First: Some people who have been chronically rejected develop "defensive independence," denying their need for connection and pushing people away by saying, in effect, "I don’t need anybody". This attempt to protect oneself sometimes leads to counter rejection, where the rejected person rejects others, potentially creating cycles of relationship problems.
2. Misinterpretation and Fear of Judgment
A lot of dislike comes from being highly sensitive to perceived threats or slights, even when none were intended. This sensitivity is often fueled by anxiety and past rejection.
Seeing Danger Everywhere: When a person has a history of feeling rejected, they may develop a negative worldview that makes them see relationships as untrustworthy, hostile, or threatening. They become hypervigilant and hypersensitive to minor signs of emotional undependability or rejection.
Jumping to Conclusions: A person might encounter someone they know who looks away and doesn't say hello, and instantly assume: "They must not like me" or "They must be mad at me". This tendency to assume the worst without checking the facts is called "Jumping to Conclusions" and can be a source of anxiety and negative thoughts about other people.
3. Basic Incompatibility and Competition
Sometimes, the reasons are less about deep trauma and more about simple human dynamics and differences.
Personality Clashes: Sometimes, people simply have different interests or personalities, and they just don't get along, and that is perfectly normal. Not everyone in the world is meant to be compatible.
Opposition: In drama, stories often feature human v. human conflict, where the antagonist (the person standing in the way) is the "flip side" or dark side of the main character. This means that sometimes, we dislike people because they represent traits or weaknesses we struggle with ourselves.
The Need for Superiority: Dislike can sometimes be rooted in a desire to feel better than others (superiority theory). We might laugh at others' foolishness or mishaps because it makes us feel triumphant in comparison. Also, seeking validation from having high self-esteem can sometimes create an "I’m-better-than-you" attitude, which may lead to aggression.
The Joy of Tearing Down: Sometimes, people enjoy the act of expressing disapproval or criticizing others. As one source notes about critics, sometimes the only thing people like more than building something up is tearing it down.
In short, whether due to painful past experiences that make a person see danger where there is none, an internal drive to feel superior, or simply being fundamentally incompatible, dislike is an inevitable, if often uncomfortable, part of human interaction.